Parenting: A Son’s Viewpoint

“Not my child!” “I trust my kid!” These are some not-so-great quotes from far too many parents. The ramifications from having these mindsets are pretty obvious. Those being the usual problems that come from being a naive parent. This can lead to your children running around and doing anything they want. These consequences are fairly obvious and are addressed in a number of blogs, forums, books, and magazines. However, there are other problems that arise from these delusions.

From the viewpoint of a son, I can say that there are other issues with having these thoughts as a parent. First of all, let me just say that the higher of a pedestal you put your kid, the more painful it will be for them when he or she inevitably falls. I say inevitably because nobody is perfect, especially children and teenagers. Your teenager is going to fail. They are going to let you down. So don’t make them feel like the world is ending because they disobeyed you. I am all for discipline, but there is a difference between an act of discipline and constantly reminding them that you expect perfection and nothing less. I’ve seen the toll it takes on kids and teenagers when they try to do right, not because of their particular moral standings, but because they are afraid of letting down their parents. Never ever ever assume that there is an act or sin they will not commit. You may think “well my son isn’t perfect, but he would never try drugs” or maybe “my daughter is smart and mature enough to decide not to have sex before she’s ready”. But guess what? No matter how well you have raised them up and no matter how great of a kid they are, they are going to mess up and it might be in the area you absolutley least expect. Now what? Your kid has done the unthinkable (whatever that may be) and one of two things are going to happen.

The first and most common scenario: they do something against your wishes and they are terrified of telling you because for the past thirteen years or so you have drilled it into their head that you would be horrified if you ever found out they did something wrong. I’ve noticed this alot, and almost exclusivley in Christian households. What happens then? Well, they will most likely turn to someone else because the do have guilt but can’t express it because they are afraid of letting you down. This person will most likely be a friend, and this friend will be just as inexperienced and immature as your child. They won’t turn to the one person (you) that can help them because they are afraid of being hated.

Ok, second scenario. You have to have very open communication with your child for this to happen. Your kid does something bad, and he or she feels guilty because they know that they have let you down. They decide to come clean because they know that you could never hate them and you realize that people make mistakes. This requires for you to actively and repeatedly enforce the fact that you expect their best, not perfection. This, of course, doens’t mean you need to slack up on whatever discipline method you use. It only means to reinstate that you will always love and forgive them no matter what.

Now I don’t have any kids, so take what I say and apply it to whatever situation you’re in because I also know that every kid and every parent and every family is different. Before you think I’m trying to teach you how to raise kids, I’m not. I’m only trying to show people how it feels when your parents expect you to be perfect. I know parents mean well, but sometimes it feels like they pick certain things like cussing, sex, whatever, and say that you can never do these things or else they will hate and shun you. Don’t do that! Let them know that you would be extremely disappointed and there will be consequences, but also let them know that you will forgive them and that you understand they’re not perfect.
So don’t ever say your child is “too smart” or “too good” to fall into these mistakes. Don’t constantly brag to other parents about how great and perfect your kid is, because that just magnifies the pressure they’re under. I’ve seen good Christian parents raise children who go out and have sex or do drugs, but because they think their parents won’t be able to handle it if they found out, they turn to the very influences that led them astray in the first place. This, of coures, causes them to continue doing it and, before you know it, they’re addicted to whatever it was that seemed so outlandish in the first place; all because they were afraid to talk to you about it.

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Your Inner Child

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Well last night me and my wife went camping! OK we set up the tent in the living room and watched scary movies but it’s about as close to camping as she’ll ever go. Anyway we set up the tent, lit some candles (aka a campfire), and since we didn’t have any hotdogs or marshmallows, I cooked some quesadillas on the griddle. I threw all our blankets and pillows in the tent and even invited our dogs to sleep with us. We each chose a scary movie to watch and stayed up until like 3 in the morning. Oh and did I mention we don’t have children? That’s right we did this all for ourselves. We all have an inner child, and there’s nothing wrong with expressing it once in a while. Honestly I express mine daily. For some reason, people think that society (mainstream media, Hollywood, etc.) has to dictate how we act, even when we’re alone. I believe there aren’t enough people willing to show their imaginative side because they’re afraid of what others might think. Hey guess what? It’s OK to watch Looney Tunes or Pixar movies once in a while (or every day for all I care). It’s OK to build a fort or have an airsoft war. Go outside at night with some friends and play hide and seek. Oh it’s not “adult” enough? Well what is being an “adult”? Being boring and dull? Being miserable because your childhood dreams and likes and interests are just distant memories? Nay! Being an adult is whatever you want to make of it. Just make money and pay bills. Everything else is only limited by your imagination. So no matter if you’re 5, 15, 25, or 85, never be afraid to express your inner child. Not everything has to be planned out and boring.

Disclaimer!

OK so I just found out that there is another, more famous (or infamous) Kyle Payne on the internet. Apparently this guy is some sexually confused neo-feminist/sexual predator. Just wanted to let everybody know that I am not in any way related to or affiliated with this guy. I’m just a normal, married (to a woman) guy just writing about stuff. I believe that sexual predators, rapists, paedophiles, and all those sorts should be rounded up and executed. Yeah I know some people think that’s pretty harsh but not to me. I have no tolerance for any kind of deviant sexual crime. And I don’t think anybody should have tolerance for that either. WARNING: RELIGIOUS/BIBLICAL CONTENT AHEAD The Bible says in Leviticus, that anyone who commits any kind of immoral, sexual act (including rape and incest) should be put to death, and I agree. In Matthew 18:6, Jesus says that if anyone should hurt a little child, it would be better for a millstone (big rock) to be hung around his neck and him be thrown into the sea and drown. So now you know how I stand on this issue. Very strongly.

Don’t Be That Husband

OK time for a little rant. You know what perturbs me? When you see these young married couples out and about, but the husband is always a major jerk to his wife! I know I’m not the only person who notices this. For some reason, the guy feels the need to act all dominant and superior by being mean and degrading her. And I think I know why. You see, for some reason men throughout time have needed to feel better about themselves, so they try to accentuate how manly they are by putting down women. Now I’m not some feminist advocate by no means, but seriously guys we need to step it up with the way we treat our women. And if you’re a feminist, you might be upset by the way I just alluded to the idea of ownership of women. Well guess what, our wives are just that: ours. And not in the way of “I own you so do what I say”, I mean that in the way of “your mine and I will care for you and protect you by all means necessary.” Yes our wives belong to us and we belong to our wives. If you think you’re too manly to hold her hand or hold her purse in public, maybe you’re not ready to be married. If you’re too manly to go to the park and push her on the swings, you need to be alone for a while and reflect on why you feel so insecure. Let me open my own life and reveal what I mean. I love action movies. I love comedies like Step Brothers and Dumb and Dumber. I love shooting guns, collecting knives, and practicing with my recurve bow. I train in MMA and I’m in the army. But I found something out last night. I absolutey love the show Gilmore Girls. Yikes. Pretty girly I know. But I am now addicted to that show. More addicted than I am to Walking Dead or Daredevil (two shows I love). I’ll also eat ice cream right off the cone. In public. We own two dogs. Her dog is a German Shepherd/Doberman mix. Mine, brace yourself, is a Chihuahua/Weenie dog mix. But he’s feisty, so it’s ok. I say all these things to make a point, and that point is this: it’s OK to embrace your, uh, non-masculinity. To me, being truly masculine is being able to say “hey, I have likes and interests that society (especially here in the South) does not deem manly enough.” But I say forget society and forget their rules. A real man will forget about his need to be superior, and treat his wife like the princess she is. Does she nag you alot and complain? Try bending over backwards to make her happy. Every day. Every time you can. Sounds like alot of effort, right? Well isn’t she worth that effort? If not, then you shouldn’t have married her in the first place. Try surprising her sometimes. After work, stop by the store and buy her favorite cupcakes. Try watching a movie she likes even though she got to pick the last one. You’ll live! You’re the man here. You need to let things slide. If you get into an argument, and she is clearly wrong about it, don’t drive it into the ground. Let it slide. Forget about it. You won. It’s over. Be the bigger man. Literally. If you’re in public, don’t degrade her. Praise her and show her off. Be on her side. Every time. Always be in her corner. Come on guys, (especially young guys like me) we need to show the world that we can be the good old fashioned gentlemen who treat their women like queens without any hesitation.

The Present

I’ve had one terrible week. Let me take you on this journey that I’ve recently, but not willingly, embarked on. First, I got laid off from my high paying job right after I bought my first house. Next day, I get the flu. Next day, (and this is in real chronological order) my dog gets parvovirus. Obviously I have no money for the vet, but I take him anyway because my wife loves this dog. There’s about 90$ out the window. So as I stayed up every night due to the stress, sickness, and nursing my puppy back to health, I looked over at my wife who is fast asleep. I’m 21 and she is 19. I wondered how she falls asleep so soundly. Then it hits me: she trusts in me. She is counting on me to take care of her and her dog. In this life, there is no do over. There are rarely any true second chances. So fast forward ten days to now. I’m sitting here, unemployed, cleaning our house. Today I have come to a realization: you have to be able to enjoy nothing before you can appreciate anything. I don’t know why all this happened to me in the course of a week. Maybe it was time to give me a reality check. Maybe I was about to cross the point where a cheap McDonalds meal with my wife at 2 AM would no longer be that fun anymore. But know I realize that the cheap or free things in life are sometimes the things that make life worth living. Sometimes you have to go to the park late at night and enjoy the vacant swingset before you can really enjoy a weekend at the amusement park. Don’t try to rush life. If you’re young, don’t focus on building a career more than you focus on living your life. The future is important, the past is gone, but the present is now. And now is when you need to remember who you are and what makes you tick. If you have to stay up all night watching Ricky Bobby and Terminator, then do it. If you have to stay in all day with your significant other and watch scary movies or play videogames in order to get your composure back, then that’s OK. Just remember that life is still going on outside, and you have to return to it. But for now, go get some Taco Bell, sit on the couch, watch your guilty pleasure movie or TV show, and get back to your life tomorrow.